Hollinger Corp. 
pH8.5 



LOVERS' QUARRELS; 

PI? 57-.'/ 

PR 3737 
1823 

^°PV 1 l^' ONE ACT, 

ALTERED FROM THE MISTAKE. 



•AKEN BY PERMISSION FROM THE PHILADELPHIA PFOMPT ROOK. 



io;< 



f 



WASHINGTON : 

PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY DAVIS AND FORCE, (fRANK- 
LIN's head J PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, 

}^2X 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. . 



MEN. 

Don Carlos,... Mr. Wemyss. 

Sancho, Jefferson. 

Lopez, T. Jefferson' 

WOMEN. 

Leonora,.. Mrs. Anderson. 

Jacinta, , Francis. 

N. B. Stage directions are faithfully marked. 

*4»*Time of Representation, thirty-three minutes. 

[tir The lines distinguished by inverted commas y are to he omitted 
in the Representation, 



f/yy'f 



LOVERS' QUARRELS; 

OR, 

IjIKE master, like 3IAJV* 



SCENE I. The Street. 
Enter Carlos and Sancho, r. u. 

Car. I tell thee, I am not satisfied ; I'm in love 
enough to be suspicious of every body. 

San. And yet, methinks, Sir, you should leave me 
out. 

Car. It may be so ; I can't tell ; but Vm not at ease. 
If they don't make a knave, at least they'll make a 
fool of thee. 

San. I don't believe a v^ord on't. But, good faith, 
master, your love makes somewhat of you ; I don't 
know what 'tis ; but, methinks, when you suspect me, 
you don't seem a man of half those parts I used to 
take you for. Look in my face, 'tis round and come- 
ly, not one hollow line of a villian in it. Men of my 
fabric don't use to be suspected for knaves ; and when 
you take us for fools, we never take you for wise 
men. For my part, in this present case, I take my- 
self to be mighty deep. A stander-by, sir, S(Des more 
than a gamester. You are pleased to be jealous with 
your poor raiatress without a cause; she uses you 



4 lovers' quarrels ; ok, 

but too well, in my humble opinion ; she sees you, 
and talks with you, till [ am quite tired on't some- 
times; and your rival, that you are so scared about 
forces a visit upon her about once in a fortnight. 

Car. Alas! thou art ignorant in these affairs ; he 
that's the civily'st received, is often the least cared 
for. Women appear warm to one, to hide a flame 
for another. Lorenzo, in short, appears too compos- 
ed ol" late to be a rejected lover; " and the indififer- 
" ence he shews upon the favours I seem to receive 
" from her, poisons the pleasure I else should taste 
" in them, and keeps me on a perpetual rack." No — I 
would fain see some of his jealous transports, have 
him fire at the sight o' me, contradict me whenever I 
speak, affront me wherever he meets me, challenge 
me, fight me—- — 

San. Run you thro' the guts — 
Car. But he's too calm, his heart's too much at 
ease, to leave me mine at rest. 

San. " But, Sir, you forget that there are two ways 
" for our hearts to get at ease; when our mistress- 
*' ee come to be very fond of us, or we — ^not to care 
" a tig for them. Now, suppose upon the rebukes 
" you know he has had, it should chance to be the 
" latter." 

Car. *' Again thy ignorance appears. Alas ! a lo- 
" ver who has broke his chain will shun the tyrant 
" that enslaved him. Indifference never is his lot ; 
** he loves or hates for ever ; and if his mistress prove 
" another's prize, he cannot calmly see her in his 
" arms." 

San. For my part, master, I'm not so great a philo- 
sopher as you be, nor (thank my stars) so bitter a lo- 
ver ; but what I see, that I generally believe; and 



LIKE MASTER, LIKE MAN. -? 

when Jacinta tells me she loves me dearly, I have 
good thoughts enough of my person never to doubt 
the truth on't. See, here the baggage comes. 

Enter Jacinta with a letter, r. h. 
Hist! Jacinta! my dear. 

Jacin. Who's that? Blunderbuss! Where's your 
master ? 

San, Hard by. [Shewing him. 

Jacin. Oh, Sir, I'm glad I have found you at last ! 
I believe I have travelled five miles after you, and 
could neither find you at home, nor in the walks, nor 
at church, nor at the opera, nor 

San. Nor any where else where he was not to be 
found. If you had looked for him where he was, 
'twas ten to one but you had met with him. 

Jacin, I had, Jack-a-dandy ! 

Car, But pr'ythee, what's the matter ? who ?'dnt 
you after me ? 

Jacin. One who's never well but when she sees 
you ; I think 'twas my lady. 

Car. Dear Jacinta, I fiunSwould flatter myself, but 
am not able. The blessing's too great to be my lot. 
Yet 'tis not well to trifle with me ; how short soe'er 
I am in other merit, the tenderness I have for Leon- 
ora claims something from her generosity. I should 
not be deluded. 

Jacin. And why do you think you are? Methinka 
she's pretty well above-board with you. What must 
be done more to satisfy you ? 

San. Why, Lorenzo must hang himself, and then 
we are content. 

Jacin. How ! Lorenzo ? 

San. If less will do, he'll telf you. 
A 2 



t> lovers' quarrels ; OR, 

Jacin. Why, you are not mad, Sir, are'you ? JealoiiB 
of him ! Pra}', which way may this have got into your 
head ? I took you for a man of sense before. Is this 
your doings, log ? [_To Sancho, 

Sa}t No, forfooth, pert, I'm not much given to sus- 
picion, as you can tell, Mrs. Forward— If I were, I 
might tiud more cause, I guess, than your mistress 
has given our master here. But I have so many 
pretty thoughts of my own person, housewife, more 
than I have of yours, that I stand in dread ot no man. 

Jacin. That's the way to prosper ; however, so far 
I'll confess the truth to thee, at least, if that don't do, 
nothing else will. Men are mighty simple in love 
matters Sir. When you suspect a woman's falling 
off, you fall a plaguing her to bring her on again, 
attack her with reason and a sour face. Od'slife, 
Sir, attack her with a fiddle ! double your good hu- 
mour, give her a ball, powder your periwig at her, let 
her cheat you at cards a little, and I'll warrant all's 
right again. " But to come upon a poor woman with 
*' the gloomy face of jealousy, before she gives the 
*' least occasion for it, is to set a complaisant rival 
*' in too favourable a light. Sir, Sir, I must tell you, 
" I have seen those have owed their success to noth- 
*' ing else." 

Car. Say no more. I have been to blame ; but 
there shall be no more on't. 

Jacin. I should punish you but justly, however, 
for what's past, if I carried back what 1 have brought 
Tou. But I'm good natured ; so, here 'tis; open it, 
and see how wrong you timed your jealousy; 

[Gives the letter. 

Car. [Reads.] " If you love me with that tender- 
iie-;s you have made me long believe you do, this let- 



LIKE MASTER, LIKE MAX. 7 

ter will be welcome ; 'tis to tell you, you have leave 
to plead a daughters weakness to a father's indul- 
gence ; and if you prevail with him to lay his com- 
mands upon me, you shall be as happy as my obedi- 
ence to them can make you. 

Leonora." 
Then I shall be what man was never yet. iKissing 
the letter.] Ten thousand blessings on thee for thy 
news. I could adore thee as a deity. 

[Embracing Jacin. 

Sancho. True flesh and blood, every inch of her, 
for all that. 

Car. [Reads again.] " And if you prevail with him 
to lay his commands upon me, you shall be as happy 

as my obedience to them can make you." Oh, 

happy, happy Carlos! — But what shall I say to thee, 
for this welcome message ? {To Jacinta.) Alas, I want 
words ! But let this speak for me, and this, and this, 

and 

[Giving her his ring, watch, and purse. 

San* Hold, Sir; pray, leave a little something for 
our board wages. You can't carry them all, I believe. 
(To Jacinta,) Shall I ease you of this ? 

[Offering to take the purse, 
Jacin. Nofbut you may carry ; — that, sirrah. 

[Giving him a box o' the ear. 

San, The jade's grown purse-proud already. 

Car- Well, dear Jacinta, say something to your 
Gharming mistress, that I am not able to say myself; 
but, above all, excuse my late unpardonable folly, and 
offer her my life to expiate my crime- 

Jacin. The best plea for pardon will be never to 
repeat the fault. 

Car. If that will do, 'tis sealed forever. 



3 lovers' quarrels ; OR,. 

Jacin. Enough* But I must begone. Success at- 
tend you with the old gentleman. Good bye Vye^ 
Sir. lExit r. h.] 

Car. Eternal blessings follow thee. 

Sail. I think she has taken them all with her ; the 
jade has got her apron full* 

Car. Is not that Lorenzo's man coming this way ? 

San- Yes, 'tis he. Shall I draw him on a Scotch 
pair of boots, master, and make him tell all ? 

Car- Some questions I must ask him ; call him hi- 
ther- 
San. Hem ! Lopez, hem ! 

Enter Lopez l. h. 

Lop. Who calls? 

San. I and my master. 

Lop. 1 can't stay. 

San- You can indeed, Sir. [Laying hold on him-] 

Car- Whither in such haste, honest Lopez ? What, 
upon some love-errand ? 

Lop. Sir, your servant ; I ask your pardon ; but I 
was going 

Car. I guess where ; but you need not be so shy of 
me any more; thy master and I are no longer rivals; 
1 have yielded up the cause ; the lady will have it so, 
so I submit- 

Lop. Is it possible. Sir ? Shall I then live to sec my 
master and you friends again ? I'm afraid you are 
pleased to be merry with your poor humble ser- 
vant. 

Car. "I'm not at present much disposed to mirth; 
" 'tis in vain to pursue a woman whose heart already 
*' is another's. 'Tis what I have so plainly seen of 
*' late, I Have roused my resolution to my aid and broke 
'' my chains lor ever-" 



LIKE MASTER, LIKE MAN. 9 

Lop' Well, Sir, to be plain with you, that is the joy- 
ful lest news I have heard this long time ; for I always 
knew you to be a mighty honest gentleman : and, 
good faith, it often went to Ihe heart o' me, to see 
you so abused' Dear, dear, have I often said to my- 
self (when they have had a private meeting just after 
you have been gone) 

Car. Ha ! 

San. Hold, master, don't kill him yet [aside to Car. 

Lop. 1 say, I have said to myself, what wicked 
things are women, and what pity it is they should be 
suffered in a Chsistian conntry ! what a shame they 
should be allowed to play Will in-the-wisp with men 
of honour, and lead them through thorns and briars 
and rocks and rugged ways, till their hearts are torn 
in pieces, like an old coat in a fox-chase ! I say, 1 
have said to myself 

Car- T'hou hast said enough to thyself, but say a 
little more to me. Where were these secret meet- 
ings thou talkest of? 

Lop' In sundry places, and by divers ways ; some- 
times in the cellar, sometimes in the garret, some- 
times in the court, sometimes in the gutter ; but the 
place where the kiss of kisses was given was ■ 

Car, In hell. 

Lop. Sir! 

Car. Thou liest, villian ! 

Lop- I don't know but I may, Sir What the 

devil's the matter now ? [Aside, 

Car- There's not one word of truth in all thy curs- 
ed tongue has uttered. 

Lop. No, Sir — I — I— believe there is not. 

Car. Why then didst thou say it, wretch ^ 

Lop. Oh! -only in jest, Sin 



.10 lovers' QUARRELS ; OR, 

Car. I am not in a jesting condition. 

Lop. Nor I^ ^at present, Sir- 

Car- Speak then the truth, as thou wouldest dp it 
at the hour of death. 

Lop' Yes, at the gallows, and be turned off as 
soon as I've done. [Aside, 

Car. What's that you murmur ? 

Lop' Nothing but a short prayer. 

Car- I am distracted, and fright the wretch from 
telling me what I am upon the rack to know. [Aside.] 
Forgive me, Lopez ; I am to blame to speak thus 
harshly to thee. Let this obtain my pardon- [Giving 
him money.] Thou seest I am disturbed. 

Lop' Yes, Sir, I see 1 have been led into a snare ; 
I have said too much- 

Car- And yet thou must say more ; nothing can 
lesson my torment but a farther knowledge of what 
causes my misery. Speak then, have 1 any thing to 
hope ? 

Lop. Nothing, but that you may be a happier batche- 
lor, than my master may probably be a married man. 

Car, Married, say'stthou ? 
Lop' I did. Sir, and I believe he'll say so too in a 
twelvemonth. 

Car. Oh, torment ! — But give me more on't ; 
when, how, to whom, where ? 

Lop. Yesterday, to Leonara, by the parson, in the 
pantry. 

Car. Look to't, if this be false, thy life shall pay 
the torment thou hast given me- Begone ! 

Lop. With the body and the soul o' me. [Exit. l. h-] 

San Base news, master. 

Car. Now my insulting rival's smile speaks out- 
Oh, cursed, cursed, woman ! 



LIKE MASTER, LIKE MAN. 1 1 

E7iter Jacinta. r. h. 

Jacin. Vm come ip haste to tell you, Sir, that as 
soon as the moon's up, my lady will give you a meet- 
ing in the close walk by the back-door of the garden ; 
she thinks she has something to propose to you will 
certainly get her father's consent to marry you* 

Car. Past sufferance ! this aggravation is not to be 
borne. Go, thank her — with my curses — Fly — and 
let them blast her while their venom's strong. 

[Exit, L. H.] 

Jacin Won't thou explain ? What's this storm for ; 

San. And dars't thou ask me questions, smooth- 
fac'd iniquity, crocodile of Nile, syren of the rocks ? 
Go, carry back the too gentle answer thou hast re- 
ceived ; only let me add with the poet : 

We are no fools, trollop, my master nor me ; 

And thy mistress may go — to the devil with thee- 

[Exit L. H.] 

Jacin, Am I awake? — I fancy not* A very idle 
dream this. Well, I'll go talk in my sleep to my la- 
dy about it ? and when I awake, we'll try what in- 
terpretation we can make on't [Exit r. h 



SCENE II. A Chamber. 

Enter Leonora and Jacinta r. h. 
Jaein. You see me as much enraged at it as you 
are yourself, yet my brain is roving after the cause, 
for something there must be ; never letter was receiv- 
ed by man with more passion and transport ; I was 
almost as charming a goddess as yourself, only for 
bringing it. Yet, when in a moment after I came 
with a message worth a dozen on't, never was witch 



12 lovers' quarrels ; or, 

so handled : something must have passed between 
one and t'other, that's sure- 

Leo- Nothing could pass worth my enquiring af- 
ter, since nothing could happen that can excuse hia 
usage of me ; he had a letter under my hand which 
owned him master of my heart ; and till I contradict- 
ed it with my mouth, he ought not to doubt the truth 
on't. 

Jacin. Nay, I confess, Madam, I han't a word to 
say for him. I'm afraid he's but a rogiie at bottom, 
as well as my Shameless that attends him ; we are 
bit by my troth, and haply well enough served, for 
listening to the glib tongues of the rascals ; but be 
comforted. Madam ; they'll fall into the hands of 
some foul sluts or other, before they die, that will set 
our account even with 'em. 

Leo. Well, let him laugh ; let him glory in what 
be has done : he shall see I have a spirit can use him 
as I ought- 

Jacin. And let one thing be your comfort, by the 
w^ay. Madam, that in spite of all your dear affections 
to him, you have had the grace to keep him at arm's 
end. You han't thanked me for't; but good faith 
'twas well I did not stir out of the chamber that fond 
night For there are times the stoutest of us are in 
danger, the rascals wheedle so, 

Leo. In short my very soul is fired with this treat- 
ment ; and if ever that perfidious monster should re- 
lent, though he would crawl like a poor worm beneath 
my feet, nay, plunge a dagger in his heart, to bleed 
for pardon : I charge thee strictly, charge thee on 
thy life, thou do not urge a look to melt me toward 
him, but strongly buoy me up in brave resentment ; 
and if thou see'st (which heaven avert) a glance of 



LIKE MASTER, LIKE MAN". 13 

weakness in me, rouze to my memory the vile wrongs 
I've borne, and blazon 'em with skill in all their glar- 
log colours. 

Jacin. Madam, never doubt me ; I am charged to 
the mouth with fury, and if ever I meet that fat trai- 
tor of mine, such a volley will I pour about his ears — - 
Now heaven prevent all hasty vows ; but in the hu- 
mour I am, methinks I'd die unmarried before I'd sim^ 
per at the rascal. [Exeunt r. h.] 



SCENE in. ^ Street. 
Enter Von CARhos and Sancho, r. h. 

Car, Repulsed again ! This is not to be borne. 
What though this villian's story be a falsehood, was I 
to blame to hearken to it ? How was it she treated 
tbee? 

San. Never was embassador worse received. Madam, 
my master asks ten thousand pardons, and humbly 
begs one moment's interview : Be gone, you ras- 
cal, you. Madam, what answer shall I give my mas- 
ter ? Tell him he's a villian. Indeed, fair lady, 

I think this is hasty treatment Here, my foot- 
man, toss me this fellow out at the window ; and away 
she went to her devotions. 

Car. Did you see Jacinta ? 

San. Yes ; she saluted me with half-a-score rop:ues 
and rascals, too. I think our destinies are much alike. 
Sir : and 'o my conscience, a couple of scurvy jades 
we are hampered with. 

Car. Ungrateful woman, to receive with such con- 
tempt so quick a return of a heart so justly alarm'd. 

San. Ha, ha, ha! 

Car. Wliat, no allowance to be made to the first 
B 



14 lovers' quarrels ; OR3 

transports of a lover's fury. As just as my suspicions 
were, have I long suffer'd them to arraign her ? 

San. No. 

Car. Have I waited for oaths or imprecations to 
clear her ? 

San, No. 

Car. Nay, even now, is not the whole world still 
in suspence about her, whilst I alone conclude her in- 
nocent ? 

San. "Tis very true. 

Car. She might, methinks, through this profoun<| 
respect, observe a llame another would have cherish- 
ed ; she might support me against groundless fears, 
and save me from a rival's tyranny ; she might release 
me from these cruel racks, and would, no doubt, if 
she could love as I do. 

San. I am sure. 

Car, But since she don't, what do I do whining 
here ? Curse on the base humilities of love ! 

San. Right. 

Car. Let children kiss the rod that flays them ; 
let dogs lie down and lick the shoe that spurns them- 

San, Ay. 

Car. I am a man, by nature meant for power ; the 
sceptre's given us to wield, and we betray our trust 
whenever we meanly lay it at a woman's feet. 

San. True, we are men ; boo !— Come, master, let 
us both be in a passion ; here's my sceptre. Shew- 
ing a cudgel] Subject Jacinta, look about you. Sir, 
was you ever in Muscovy ? The women there love 

the men dearly. Why ? Because [Shaking kh- 

stick.] There's your love-powder for you. Ah, Sir, 
were we but wise and stout, what work should we 
make with them I But this humble love-making spoili^ 



LIKE MASTER, LIKE MAN. 15 

(hem all, A rare way indeed to bring matters about 
with them ! we are persuading them all day they are 
angels and goddesses, in order to use them at night 
like human creatures. We are like to succeed, truly. 

Car. For my part, I never yet could bear a sight 
from any thing, nor will I now. There's but one 
way, however, to resent it from a woman, and that's 
to drive her bravely from your heart, and place a 
worthier in her vacant throne. 

San. Now, with submission to my betters, I have 
another way, Sir ; I'll drive my tyrant from my heart, 
and place myself on her throne. Yes; I will be 
lord of my own tenement, and keep my household ia 
order. Would you would do so too, master ; for look 
you, I have been servitor in a college at Salamanca, 
and read philosophy with the doctors ; where I found, 
that a woman, in all times, has been observed to be 
an animal hard to understand, and much inclined to 
mischief. Now as an animal is always an arjimal, 
and a captain always a captain, so a woman is al- 
ways a woman ; whence it is, that a certain Greek 
says, her head is like a bank of sand; or, as another, 
a solid rock ; or, according to a third, a dark lanthorn. 
Pray, Sir, observe, for this is close reasoning ; and so 
as the head is the head of the body ; and that the bo- 
dy without a head, is like a head without a tail ; and 
that where there is neither head nor tail, 'tis a very 
strange body ; so I say, a woman is by comparison, 
do you see, (for nothing explains things like compari- 
sons) I say by comparison, as Aristotle has often 
said before me, one may compare her to tli« raging 
sea ; for, as the sea, when the wind rises, knits its 
brow like an angry bull, and that waves mount up- 
on rocks, and rocks mount upon waves ; that porpoi- 



16 lovers' QUARRELS ; OR, 

ses leap like trouts, and whales skip about like gud- 
geons ; that ships roll like beer-barrels, and mariners 
pray like saints ; just so, I say, a woman — a woman, 
I say, just so, when her reason is ship-wrecked upon 
her passion, and the hulk of her understanding lies 
(humping against the rock of her fury; then it is, I 

say, that by certain immotions, which — um cause, 

as one may suppose, a sort of convulsive — yes — hur- 

ricanious — um — like in short, a woman is like 

the devil, Sir. 

Car. Admirably reasoned indeed, Sancho. 

San. Pretty well, 1 thank heaven ; but here come 
the crocodiles to weep us into mercy. 

Enter Leonora and Jacinta. r. h. 

Master let us shew ourselves men, and leave their 
briny tears to wash their dirty faces. 

Car. It is not in the power of charms to move me. 

San. Nor me, I hope ; and yet I fear those eyes 
will look out sharp to snatch up such a prize. 

[Pointing to Jacinta.] 

Jacin, He's coming to us, Madam, to beg pardon ; 
but sure you'll never grant it him ? 

Leo. If I do, may Heaven ne'er grant me mine. 

Jacin. That's brave. 

Car. You look, Madam, upon me, as if you thought 
I came to trouble you with my usual importunities ; 
I'll ease you of that pain, by telling you, my business 
now is calmly to assure you, but I assure it you with 
heaven and hell for seconds ; for may the joys of one 
fly from me, whilst the pains of t'other overtake me, 
if all your charms displayed e'er shake my resolution ; 
I'll never see you more. 

San. Bon. 



T.IKE MASTER, LIKE MAN. 17 

liOu. You are a man of that nice honour, Sir, I 
know you'll keep your word ; I expected this assur- 
ance from you, and came this way only to thank you 
for't. 

Jacin. Very well. 

Car. You did, imperious dame, you did ! " How 
*' base is woman's pride ? How wretched are the in- 
" gredients it is formed of. If you saw cause for 
*' just disdain, why did you not at first repulse me ? 
" Why lead a slave in chains, that could not grace 
*' your triumphs." If 1 am thus to be contemned, think 
on the favours you have done the wretch, and hide 
your face forever. 

San. Well argued. 

Leo. I own you have hit the only fault the world s 
can charge me with : the favours I have done to you, 
I am indeed ashamed of ; but since women have their 
frailties, you'll allow me mine. 

Car. 'Tis well, extremely well, Madam; I'm hap- 
py, however, you at last speak frankly ; I thank you 
for it ; from my soul I thank you ; but don't expect 
me groveling at your feet again ; don't for if I do 

Leo. You'll be treated as you deserve ; trod upon. 

Car. Give me patience ; — but I don't want it; I 
am calm ; Madam, farewell ; be happy, if you can ; 
by heavens, 1 wish you so ; but never spread your 
Bet for me again ; for if you do 

Leo. You'll be running into it. 

Car. Rather run headlong into fire and flames ; 
rather be torn with pincers bit from bit; rather be 

broiled like martyrs upon gridirons But I am 

wrong ; this sounds like passion, and Heaven can tell 
1 am not angry. Madam, 1 think we have no farther 
business together ; your most humble servant. 
B 2 



1 8 lovers' quarrels ; or, 

Leo. Farewell fye, Sir. 

Car. Come along. [To Sanclio. Exit l. h. and re- 
turns.] Yet once more before I go (lest you should 
doubt my resolution) may I starve, perish, if I, from 
this moment, change one word or look with you. 
[Exeunt Carlos, l. h . Sancho clajjs him on the back.] 
Leo. Content. Come away, Jacinta. [Exeunt r. h. 
Carlos returns. 

Car, Yet one word, Madam, if you please ; I 
have a little thing here belongs to you, a foolish bau- 
ble I once was fond of. [Twitching her picture from 
his breast.] Will you accept a trifle from your ser- 
vant ? 

Leo. Willingly, Sir ; I have a bauble, too, I think 

you have some claim to ; you'll wear it for my sake. 

[Breaks a bracelet from her arm, and gives it him.} 

Car. Most thankfully ; this too I should restore 

you, it once was yours [Giving her a table-book.] 

I think you did me once the honour to write with 
your own fair hand. Here it is. [Reads, 

You love me, Carlos, and would know 

The secret movements of my heart ; 
Whether I give you mine or no, 

With yours methinks, I'd never, never part. 
Thus you have encouraged me, and thus you have 
deceived me. 

San. Very true. 

Leo, I have some faithful lines, too ; I think I can 
produce them. 

[Pulls out a table-book ; reads, and then gives it him.} 
How long soe'er, to sigh in vain. 
My destiny may prove.. 



LIKE PIASTER, LIKE MAN. 19 

My fate (in spite of your disdain) 
Will let me glory in your chain, 

And give me leave eternally to love. 
There, Sir, take your poetry again. [Throwing it at 
his feet] 'Tis not much the worse for my wearing; 
'twill serve again upon a fresh occasion. 
Jacin. Well done. 
Car. I believe I can return the present. Madam, 

with a pocket full of your prose There 

[Throwing a handful of letters at her feet.] 
Leo. Jacinta, give me his letters. There, Sir, not 
to be behind-hand with you. 

[Takes a handful of his letters out of a box, and throws them 
in his face.] 

Jacin. And there, and there, and there. Sir. 

[Jacinta throws the rest at him.] 
San. 'Ods my life, we want ammunition ; but for 
a shift There, and there, you saucy slut, you. 

[Sancwo pulls a pack of dirty cards out of his pocket, and 
throws them at her.] 

.Jacin. I think, Madam, we have clearly the better 
on't. 

Leo. For a proof, I resolve to keep the field. 

Jacin. Have a care he don't rally, and beat you 
yet, though. Pray, walk off. 

Leo. Fear nothing. 

San. How the armies stand and gaze at one another 
after the battle! What think you, Sir, of shewing 
yourself a great general, by making an honourable re- 
treat ? 

Car. I scorn it. Oh, Leonora ! Leonora ! A heaft 
Tike mine should not be treated thus. 



20 lovers' quarrels ; or, 

Leo. Carlos ! Carlos ! I have not deserved this 
usage. 

Car, " Barbarous Leonora ! but 'tis useless to re- 
^* ppoach you ; she that is capable of what you have 
" done, is formed too cruel ever to repent of it. Go 
** on, then, tyrant ; make your bliss complete ; tor- 
" ment me still, for still, alas ! I love enough to be 
" tormented." 

Leo. " Ah, Carlos! little do you know the tender 
*' movements of that thing you name : the heart where 
" love presides, admits no thought against the hon- 
" our of its ruler." 

Car. " 'Tis not to call that honour into doubt, if, 
" conscious of our own unworthiness, we interpret 
" every frown to our own destruction." 

Leo. " When jealousy proceeds from such humble 
" apprehensions, it shews itself with more respect 
•* than yours has done.'* 

Car. " And where a heart is guiltless; it easily 
" forgives a greater crime." 

Leo. ** Forgiveness is not now in our debate ; if 
" both have been in fault, 'tis fit that both should 
^* suffer for it; our separation will do justice on us." 

Car. But since we are ourselves the judgts of our 
crimes, what if we should inflict a gentler punish- 
ment ? 

Leo. 'T would but encourage us to sin again. 

Car. And if it should 

Leo. 'Twould give a fresh occasion for the pleas- 
ing exercise of mercy. 

Car. Right ; and so we act the part of earth and 
heaven together, of men and gods, and taste of both 
their pleasures. 

Leo. The banquet's loo inviting to refuse it. 



LIKE MASTER, LIKE MAW. 21 

Car. Then thus let us fall on, and feed upon it for 
ever. [Carries her off, embracing her, and kissing 
her hand r. h.] 

Jacin. Ah, woman I foolish, foolish woman ! 

San. Very foolish, indeed. 

Jacin. But don't expect I'll follow her example. 

San. You would, Mopsy, if I'd let you. 

Jacin. I'd sooner tear my eyes out ! Ah that 

she had a little of my spirit in her. 

Sa7t. I believe I shall find thou hast a great deal 
of her flesh, my charmer? but 'twon't do ; I am all 
rock, hard rock, very marble. 

Jacin. A very pumice-stone, you rascal, you, if 
one would try thee ; but to prevent thy humilities, 
and shew thee all submission would be vain, to con- 
vince thee thou hast nothing but misery, and despair 
before thee, here — take back thy paltry thimble, and 
be in my debt, for the shirts I have made thee with 
it. 

San. Nay, if y'are at that sport, mislress, I believe 
I shall lose nothing by the balance of thy present. 
There, take thy tobacco-box, 'twill serve to give to 
another. 

Jacin. Here take thy sattin pincushion, with 

thy curious half hundred of pins in it, thou mad'st such 
a vapouring about yesterday. Tell them carefully ; 
there's not one wanting. 

San. There's thy ivory-hafted knife again ; whet 
it well ; 'tis so blunt 'twill cut nothino- but love. 

Jacin. And there's thy pretty pocket scissors thou 
hastjhonoured me with : they'll cut off a leg or an arm, 
heaven bless them* 

San. Here's the enchanted handkerchief you were 
pleased to endear with your precious blood, when the 



22 



LOVERS' QUARRELS, 



violence of your love at dinner t'other day, made your 

nose bleed— There 

[Blows his nose in it, and gives it to her.^ 

Jacin. The rascal so provoJies me, I won't even 
keep his paltry garters from him. Do you see these, 
you pitiful, beggarly scoundrel you ? — There, take 
'em — there. 

[She throws the garters at himJ] 

ISan. I have but one thing more of thine. [Shewirig 
his cudgel.] I own 'tis the top of all thy presents, and 
might be useful to me ; but that thou may'st have no- 
thing to upbraid me with, e'en take it again with the 
rest of them. 

[Lifting it up to strike her, she leaps about his neck. 

Jacin. Ah, cruel Sancho ! — Now beat me, Sancho, 
do. 

San. Rather, like Indian beggars, beat my precious 
self. [Throws away his stick, and embraces her.] 

Rather let infants' blood about the streets, 
Rather let all the wine about the cellar. 

Rather let Oh, Jacinta, thou has't o'ercome ! 

How foolish are the great resolves of man ! 
Resolves which we neither would keep, nor can. 
When those bright eyes in kindness please to shine, 
Their goodness I must needs return with mine ; 
Bless my Jacinta in her Sancho's arms-^ — 

Jacin, And I my Sancho with Jacinta's charms. 

[Exeunt, r. h.] 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




014 388 107 



HoUinger Corp. 
pH8.5 



